Great Expectations, Passable Results
And glad to be back...
What hopes we weave around time
Personal time off—whoopee, we think. All that free time! No schedules or routines keeping us on track to meet obligations, promises, and intentions. And all of a sudden we wonder: where did all the time go?
I think when we step outside all patterns to free ourselves of the daily grind, that’s a vacation, and it probably shouldn’t be confused with PTO. I knew I wasn’t on a vacation, but as I tend to be a bit of a dreamer, the days didn’t go as envisioned. Even the photos I chose for my recent newsletters illustrate the part of me hoping for at least a side salad of strolls, books, and lemonade.
Fuzzy, yet hopeful intentions were replaced by new plans and facts.
When casual talk becomes reality
We’re moving, as in selling our home and moving a little more than 1,000 miles away to a property that has yet to rear its little head to get the realtor’s attention. Even though I’m consistently encouraging my family that the perfect place for us just hasn’t come on the market yet, the message is starting to show signs of wear. Have you heard of a destination wedding?—well, let’s hope this soon turns into a destination move.
Sometimes an idea picks up speed, gathering information, opinions, professional expertise, and, before you know it, it’s become a done deal.
Considering that I was 26 before I made a big move (college and grad school don’t count), I’ve had plenty of significant relocations since.
My hometown in Indiana to San Diego
San Diego to San Francisco
San Francisco to Atlanta
Atlanta to Chicago
Chicago to Indiana (Covid years, hunkered down) to PA
PA to Northwest Indiana, somewhere, yet to come into focus
All that to say it’s not the first big move, and we’re not neophytes. We know we’re taking a big bite and there’s a lot to chew carefully if we plan to avoid indigestion.
Historical attitudes and change
A grumpy attitude toward big moves solidified for me during my 20 years working in senior living, and I’ve hung on to something I said over and over again when talking empathetically with seniors about their move to our community. “Oh, I know it: there’s just no such thing as a good move, is there? I don’t care if it’s across the country, across a few states, across the street, or across the hall… they’re all an absolutely overwhelming job.” Then I’d move on to reassuring them that we’re here to help in any way we can; please, just let us know.
So now that we’re in the group of older Americans entertaining what we hope is our last move, who’s going to be there to reassure us and make us feel better when our last nerve is shot (not a serious question)?
No, this one is on us, and we’ve decided to do it despite the tiresomeness of the many small pieces that need to come together to get the move accomplished. The “Why” of our move is a long, long story, but for now, suffice it to say it’s about mental health and healing. We’re praying it’s a wise thing for us to do, and we’ll happily take all good thoughts, wishes, and prayers for healing from anyone who feels so inclined.
Final Thoughts
I’ve missed my writing routine while I’ve been away, as well as producing my newsletters and Notes, and responding to your comments. It was a heartwarming routine we enjoyed, and I hope it’s a smooth space to slip back into… I’m looking forward to it. In the meantime, I hope you’re all doing well and enjoying long summer days with those you hold dear.
Now that I’m back, I hope you’ve remembered to take one slow breath.
You are doing meaningful work in an extremely difficult space.
And it’s okay to carry it one small step at a time.
My best to you and yours — see you soon!
Cindy
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Graceful Last Chapters: Helping Seniors Who Need More Care
Cynthia Neher Martindale, author
“Kind, intelligent, informative, patient, and humanitarian.” -- Amazon TOP 100 REVIEWER
Cindy - As difficult as life is, I'm glad to hear the unpinning comes down to what eventually matters, as you say it’s about mental health and healing. I'm almost amazed at how much of ordinary life comes to down this very approach. How in the world am I going to get some of the experience of what it means by feeling awake and alive enough in my mind, body, and spirit today.
And that is why I rather like your approach at the end. Take a slow breath, I might suggest four our five deliberite ones in a row, and then move out a bit slowly. I mean if you think about this is a fair bit of what the body needs in order to not bet too overstimulated.
Welcome back! Carve out the time, space, actions for how one gets a bit healing in a particularly oridnary day. That way if I do it "just right enough" I might enjoy whatever I'm up to just a little bit more.
All my best to you and your family. You know the drill: Hugs all around! :)
I have also moved often. I’m always excited to find out what new adventures await me in the next location, but the process of moving is awful. My prayers are going up for you.